AP 12 or Die

Ms. Serensky preaches keys to writing essays in 40 minutes flat while fully comparing and contrasting two poems about explanations to children without getting hand cramps and writing legibly at the same darn time.  She drills flawless pre-writing strategies into the minds of her students.  Mark up the prompt.  SOAPSTone.  Pre-write the center first.  ATFQ (Answer the...question).  All of these practices ingrained into her pupils' heads make them the best of the best, but what can prepare you for the trials and tribulations the climb to top-notch writer brings?  This can.  Similar to McGraw-Hill's 5 Steps to a 5 series, I present to you 3 Steps to Survival: AP English 12 with Ms. Serensky Edition.  Step 1: Self-Assessment.  You must ask yourself if you have what it takes to survive.  If you cannot spell AP then you probably do not belong in this class.  If you cannot spell honors, well you get what I am saying.  And if you cannot spell college prep you might as well give up.  Anyways, ask yourself if you have a passion for reading and writing; if you have a right brain in working order for witty blog posts; if you want to improve your writing ability.  This last question must receive a "yes" or else you will not experience success.  Step 2: pre-AP 12 English Core Training.  This step requires the willingness to sweat for literary achievement.  Our proven training regimen will improve your 40-word dash time, your writing stamina, overall brainpower, among much more.  Reference our website at www.ap12od.net for detailed day-by-day, exercise routines.  Finally, Step 3: Power Through.  AP English will provide you with some of the most academic adversity in your high school career, meaning your mom may question why you do not have all A's on your report card.  If you get a B, guess what, that means you have room for improvement, AKA the number one goal of the class--improving.  You must have the determination to trudge through the tough times in the class.  Learning from mistakes makes up a significant amount of the learning curve, therefore you must understand that you will make mistakes.  Those that learn from them will achieve the most success and survive.  Charles Darwin called it survival of the fittest for a reason, and the same goes for AP English.  Follow these three steps and you will find yourself atop of the English food chain.

African Queen Crab

Must resist crinkling water bottle--cracks and pops of a plastic water bottle fill the silent room. Chapped lips again? Good thing I always have my trusty Eos lip balm in the shape of a golf ball to satisfy their desert dryness. "Kyle, do you have any gum?" Why does he never have gum? You know, I should probably participate in this discussion, "Going off of... Sorry, you can go." Aw, thanks Kate for letting me make my comment. "Going off of..." Must move pen while talking--click, click, click. I will hold my pen in a scholarly manner during this comment--wait, no I should leave it on my desk--but how else will I look scholarly? Ah, stupid pen, quit causing me such inner turmoil as I make this darn discussion comment. "What'd you get from this supplement Kyle?" Probably nothing. How does he talk for so long about those abstract ideas? Wow, he just talked for that entire partner discussion interval. I shall display my irritation with my variety of angry faces. Hey Jess, yes, my facial expression does not tell a lie, I am aggravated as a matter of fact. School gives me such a headache, good thing I carry this economy-sized bottle of Advil everywhere I go--pops a handful of ibuprofen. Yes Kyle, I deal anti-inflammatories. What a smart alec. Why does eighth period feel longer than every other one? I just want college to start already. Brock and I will room together--it will feel just like home.  I cannot wait to return to the days of my youth when Brock and I shared closets and subsequently wardrobes.  I will finally embody my inner tomboy that high school has so disappointingly suppressed.  This hair always gets in the way--hair flips but then returns to previous position.  Maybe Brock and I can go to the same barber.  Until then my days seem like forever as I fall deeper and deeper into the clutches of senioritis and my body becomes more accustomed to rising every morning, sleep-walking through school, and babysitting after.  The occasional visit to my long-lost, African, refugee family (yes, in fact I am one-seventeenth African-American) breaks up the monotony--clicks a self-pitiful sentence in ancestors' native San Bushmen language.  Other than seeing those distant relatives every now and again, I live the zombie life, longing to reunite with my brother and my masculine side.  Until then I shall stumble through the motions of the typical sleep-deprived, fourth-quarter senior with chronically chapped lips.  And people wonder about the origin of my nickname.  "Click-clickity-click" (Crabs out).

How Do You Like Them Apples

I get the sense that my college destination this coming August attracts a typically different student than myself.  Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, from what I have observed, plays home to many east coast preppers from affluent private schools.  I, on the other hand, hail from a small, public school in the rust belt and speak with a funny, flat accent.  In order to flip the bill for the $60,000 worth of tuition and fees per year I have a work study requirement as a portion of my significant financial aid as well.  My circumstances may not jump off the page as I assume many of my peers must participate in similar programs at schools in regions of the country where people do not pronounce their O's and A's like us.  Nonetheless, I see the potential for me to achieve a status in college one of my favorite movies of all time has inspired.  In Good Will Hunting, a janitor at MIT exemplifies a natural ability to solve incredibly difficult math problems posed to graduate students which eventually lands him job offers that pay a pretty penny more than what he earned previously.  While I know I do not possess the inhuman math skills of Will Hunting, I do possess the outsider characteristics to Bates as Will does to MIT.  Additionally, I like to think of myself as a math guy and would like to do something involving the subject in my future so of course I would enjoy the comparison to Will from the perspectives of my peers.  I know I cannot live the started-from-the-bottom success story Will does but I would like to experience the feelings of studying something that interests me and achieving success as a result of working in and out of the classroom with the prospect of my future in mind.   Hopefully my classmates view me with the respect Will's peers eventually develop about him after seeing his talent and his work to apply it.  Will also does pretty well with the ladies in the movie and what college male would not want that?  That aspect of the movie appeals to me, otherwise I am not too interested in what else the plot holds for Will which touches on domestic abuse and near imprisonment.  Consequently, Will does not seem like the typical math geek and similarly I would like to achieve success in the field of math without the nerd label but viewing me as a less dramatic version of Will Hunting has more to it.  People understand the adversity Will faces and respect his character that keeps him going--two characteristics of a person I value a lot.  Ultimately, I want people to see me as that person that worked his way to achieve success while also using my story as encouragement to pursue goals they have passions for.