We sit on
the chairlift gliding to the peak of Antarctica's highest man-made precipice,
Ozymountdias. Ms. Serensky to my left
and Sally Jupiter to my right, one more aggravated with the unbearable skiing
conditions than the other. Ms. Serensky
could not fathom the intensity of an Antarctic snowstorm when compared to that
of northeast Ohio's lake effect. Sally,
on the other hand, seemed less concerned with the weather which I could not
understand considering her skimpy outfit covered less than half of her
body. Anyways, Sally could not help but
attempt to get my attention. I have a
weakness for older women but not that old, this I tried to convey in an
inoffensive manner. "Excuse me Miss
Jupiter, but your clinginess for 'warmth' makes a teenage boy like myself
rather uncomfortable." Ms. Serensky
muttered some name under her breath that pertained to prostitution, which I
found amusing yet inappropriate to acknowledge with Sally so close.
20
minutes of attempted flirtation and adulteress synonyms later and we closed in
on the top of the chairlift. However, something did not seem right. Ms.
Serensky acknowledged my concern with that of her own as Sally bopped her perm
back and forth completely ignorant of her surroundings. A pack of genetically
engineered Bubasti (the plural form of Bubastis) circled the chairlift exit
deck. "Do the jingle! Do the jingle!" I pleaded. "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there."
Immediately Ms. Serensky’s agent’s appeared and we yelled: "BUBASTI!"
“Do it again!” He advised.
“Like a
good neighbor State Farm is there!”
“In the
classroom!”
In the
blink of an eye we had relocated into Ms. Serensky’s classroom complete with
the AP English 12 eighth period class in mid-discussion. The students seemed baffled by our grand
entrance. I took my seat between Shannon
and Abby as usual, Sally vomited into the nearest trash can (I suppose
teleportation sickness runs in the family), and Ms. Serensky pulled up the desk
designated for blog show guest but took a seat in it herself. “You won’t believe the adventure we just had.”
Before
Ms. Serensky could break into detail a red background with the State Farm logo
and slogan appeared on the projector screen.
“Now that’s an end-of-the-year project presentation.” Our third group member/instructor said. Sally and I high-fived in agreement in the
back of the classroom, proud of our commercial-parody-in-class-book-fusion
masterpiece.
I do not envy your predicament on the ski lift. Ms. Serensky's comments echo those of many a mature lady when they encounter the uppity vanity of the Jupiter women, and to contradict them would invite heavy criticism. On another note, I truly enjoyed your transition with the insurance jingle. Your stroke of brilliance adds a new twist to your already inviting blog. If only the jingle worked in real life.
ReplyDeleteKyle, I found your Deus ex Machina of the State Farm Agent very surprising. Not only that, but your choice of Sally Jupiter as your book character to include surprised me. Out of the numerous characters of Watchmen Sally came off as one of the lesser characters and wanted to know why you decided to choose her. Finally, after I read the end in which you receive a personal high five, I agreed that your story and all its interesting, humorous quirks earned you that high five.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the first line, I cannot honestly say that I finished the rest thoroughly. I did skim for other puns however, and I must commend you for their continued use, I hope that our project was a source of inspiration and that you will continue to grow as a bad joke maker as school draws to a close and life begins.
ReplyDelete